ramanda's Diaryland Diary

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oh Virginia, perhaps you were right all along

04.13.05

3:38pm

Careful. This one might sting a little.

When I started writing on the internet more than four years ago it was because I was looking for an escape. I called this page my sweet exile because it was a place where I could put all the thoughts and feelings that were cluttering up my head, a hideout where my words could rest, a sanctuary where I could re-examine my experiences and share them with other people.

I stand by my original conviction that Douglas Coupland said it best when he wrote:

Lately I've been unable to sleep. That's why I've begun writing this diary late at night, to try to see the patterns in my life. From this I hope to establish what my problem is - and then, hopefully, solve it. I'm trying to feel more well adjusted than I really am, which is, I guess, the human condition.

The years I have spent writing this diary are some of my most formative. It has been one crazy ride. The drunken entries, the myriad posts made during long afternoons at work, the late night entries written to put off writing another essay, the hopeless, desperate words, the sarcasm, the sweetness, the silliness, the laughter, the tears. All of it translated into words, through fingers over plastic keyboards.

I came to diaryland looking for solace, for a place to record the tangled, confused strands of thought and emotion that kept me up at night. And for four years (save that time I took a couple months off) I loved this place, the things I was able to express, the friends I made, the comfort I took in the words you wrote to me.

But now this place feels stale, like writing on the last crumpled pages of an old notebook. Iíve always been the kind to skip those last pages just to get to the crisp, clean pages of a new notebook a little faster. This is no different.

Somewhere along the way I grew up. I figured out who I am. And who I want to be.

I need a new look. A new address. A room of my own, you might say. Lately diaryland feels like my childhood bedroom at my parentís place. It is familiar and comfortable, but it isnít home anymore.

And so, with much help from BT the computer hacking genius, Iíve created elusivebalance.com

I will not be moving my archives from here to the new page. That was then, and this is now. This is a clean break. My SuperGold membership will expire in a month or so, taking with it all of my images and all of my comments. The rest of the content will be here as long as diaryland allows.

Thank you all for the smiles and the tears and the kind words year after year. I hope you will adjust your bookmarks and come visit me in my new home.

Itís been a slice, diaryland.

yours, as ever
amanda

3:38 p.m. - 04.13.05

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