ramanda's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- good things are being said about you 02.16.01 I went to this tiny little seafood restaurant with Nats tonight. Dinner was delicious, we chatted and laughed, and it somehow made me realize how much I love her. That�s a good feeling. Coupled with the warm feeling in my tummy and the bright smile on her pretty face, it made me smile. It made me feel good about being me. And coming, as it did, on the heels of an evening where I did some things I wasn�t proud of, it meant a lot. Sometimes I find it hard to trust myself. When a boy looks at me in that way that they have � that lets you know just what they�re thinking . . . it�s hard not to melt right down into a puddle at their feet. It�s hard not to let yourself go. And sometimes, it�s hard not to slip and fall. That twinkle in their eyes is hard to resist and sometimes I don�t want to resist it, consequences be damned. Ah yes, Eric. Eric of the cool spiky hair and pretty blue eyes. I shouldn�t have kissed him. I shouldn�t have let him kiss me back. I know that. I knew it just like when I did it with Chris of high-school romance fame and with Greg, the computer programmer with the blue-green eyes and the overactive libido. I need to learn to stop kissing boys who belong to other girls. The really insidious part of the whole thing is that I would have let it go much much further than it did. The way he smelled, the way it felt to have his arms around me, the way he hugged me like he really didn�t want to let go . . . all of that made me feel warm and happy and like I could just go on kissing him all night. I also should not have let Srdj kiss me in the cab on the way home. I knew as he leaned into kiss me that it was going to be weird. That tonight at the meat market with the posh wood paneling that things would be awkward . . . and they were. Though I am proud that I didn�t let him come in like he wanted to. I don�t even know him really � but part of me wanted to be with him all the same. Cos it�s nice to be wanted � and that doesn�t happen to me very often. - A 986006797 - 2001-02-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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