ramanda's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- spread out the oil, the gasoline, I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine 03.30.05 3:20pm I am trying to teach myself to enjoy exercise. I am trying to coach my body to enjoy moving the way it was meant to be moved. But it's hard. So hard. I really do envy those people who enjoy running and working out. I will never be one of those people. But I'm trying. The thing is that I have genetics and a bad back and years and years of sedentary lifestyle working against me. I also have more than a hundred extra pounds hanging around, making it so much easier to sit on the couch than to get off my ass. But I am trying. Yesterday felt like the first real day of spring. So last night I walked four kilometres. I can't even fathom the people who run 5k or 10k, because walking even 4k was hard. But I did it. And today I walked to work (which is another 2k or so). And what do I have to show for it? A sore back and a HUGE blister on the bottom of my foot. I know the consequences of not exercising. But sometimes it's hard to reconcile myself with that stuff. Especially when doing it gives me blisters and makes my back and my legs hurt (and not in that good muscle hurt way, either). I am getting smaller, little by little. But this kind of pain is so discouraging that I feel like the fact that all my pants are too big doesn't even matter. Maybe I'm just cranky. Maybe walking 4k would be easier if I wasn't wearing running shoes from four years ago. Either way I am going shopping after work for a new pair of running shoes. And if it's not raining I will walk to work again tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll even walk home after work. Some days pushing myself to do these things I really don't want to do make me feel better about myself. Some days I feel accomplished. Other days I just feel like an idiot. I guess the main thing is to ignore how I feel about it and just do it. I was so mortified that I actually typed that last sentence that I rushed to delete it. Then I stopped myself. Because that's really what it's about. Stupid corporate slogan aside. . . -A 3:20 p.m. - 03.30.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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