ramanda's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my sweet entries : 2002

january 2002 - everybody tells you, you pay for what you get
In January I moved into the Animal House. I was surrounded by friends. It felt good to be part of the world again. I learned to love being there, with them, being a part of a little family. It was a pretty fucked up family, but it was my fucked up little family, and I liked it. There was always shouting, and music, and TV. The house was old and drafty and the floors were always dusty, but it always felt warm in my heart. We talked, shared words of encouragement. We empathized, and when that wasn't enough, we made jokes to fill up the spaces in the room.

february 2002 - it's not right, but it's okay
The straw that broke the camel's back. Tired of being tired. Sick of being sick. I worried that I was spending too much time worrying about everyone else, and not nearly enough time worrying about myself. Had a much-needed visit from my best friend which gave me a renewed sense of faith in the world, in myself, and in that things really will work themselves out over time.

march 2002 - don't wanna hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
March brought spring, or tried to, fluttering between summer sunshine and snow squalls. She also brought more dope and video games; a vacation from work stresses and worries about money and chores and productivity. Entire days spent stoned, in my own world, warm and content. I learned to love the separation. I learned that sometimes it�s nice not to be stoned, sometimes it�s just as nice to get up in the morning, shower, get dressed and get on with your life.

april 2002 - things have changed since yesterday, without any warning
Ins and outs. Ups and downs. Drinks and drugs. April, with its promise of a new house, new roommates, a new job and a new school term came too quickly, or perhaps not quickly enough. Life was hectic, everything happening all at once. Tragic endings and new beginnings. I started feeling a little lost again, but there was no time for being lost. No time for maybes, even good-byes, sometimes.

may 2002 - everybody's working for the weekend

june 2002 - little pieces of the nothing that fall on me

july 2002 - many times I've gazed along the open road

august 2002 - I'm in a hurry and don't know why

september 2002 - my eyes have become immune to everything I take from you

october 2002 - and I don't know how I feel, but I wonder if you feel like me

november 2002 - when you find yourself in the thick of it

december 2002 - waking up each morning with confusion in my eyes

previous - next